Beetle bails out game

The season hasn't even started yet, and Sunday Morning Road Hockey is already in crisis.

Beetle Boy made his first career start in net in Sunday's second pre-season game after a report that veteran goaltender Gump could miss the first two months of the season. And with regular rearguard Pig Farming Goalie preoccupied with his new fatherly duties and Lobsterboy unreliable, the league may be launched into the new campaign with a crippling shotstopper shortage.

"Suddenly, the 'shooter-tutors' that the roguesters are using look good to us," said Beetle Boy, referring to the wooden net guards used by a neighboring game instead of relying upon the vagaries of a sometimes flighty creaseminding corps.

Sunday's crisis was further exacerbated when only one roadster, Nibs, brought goaltending gear. Only a chance encounter with Lak Attack, who hadn't been planning to play as he opted to work on his conditioning, saved the day, and he was dispatched to bring his own set up equipment.

Recruiting rearguards has been a challenge for the roadsters since the retirement of Hall of Famer, Goaltending Stawlart Wawrow, more than eight years ago. Saviors like Ottoman, Couch, Frosty and New Guy have come and gone, unable to withstand the physical barrage and mental punishment of being the last line of defense in the small confines of the road hockey court. And with veterans like Lobsterboy, Gump and Pig Farming Goalie succumbing to the wear and tear of the grueling position to find other, less hazardous, Sunday morning distractions, the waning backups, Nibs, Lak Attack and Billy Idol, have increasingly been forced to set aside their offensive aspirations to step between the pipes. They're not always happy about it.

Beetle Boy's cinderella start in the crease fell just short, as his team succumbed 20-16. But neither goalie was severely tested, as the roadsters continued to struggle with the timing of their passes and accuracy of their shots.
This Sunday's final tune-up could also be a spartan affair, as a number of roadsters, including Beetle Boy, Colonel, Cowboy Bill and Lak Attack, have already indicated they'll be absent.

Wendel's comeback comeuppance

Wendel didn't lose his breakfast. His team wasn't so lucky.

The veteran winger, who's been in semi-retirement for most of the past three seasons, only wanted to survive his first game in almost a year without embarrassing himself. He succeeded, keeping pace with younger, fleet-footed forwards for most of Sunday's pre-season opener. But his team couldn't survive a mid-game swoon that cost them an early lead and, ultimately, a 20-15 decision.

"My goal after three years more or less away from the game was just to reintroduce my body to the concept of the game," said Wendel. "It's been a while and you've got to remember everyone's habits and tendencies and you've got to get a feel for the ebb and flow of the game again."

Early in Sunday's game, it was as if Wendel had never really been away, as he and his mates executed on all cylinders, firing pinpoint passes and then finishing at the net with a deft touch to carry a lead into the second half. But then the long layoff seemed to catch up. Passes went astray, shots on net were swallowed by Billy Idol, including a diving save on the Colonel, who's breakaway backhand was snared by the keeper's big glove. Wendel started to play winded.

"I think it was a general lapse on a lot of things," said Elvis of his side's second-half slide.

Their opponents were quick to exploit, led by Lak Attack's early-season wheeling and dealing.

"Lak turned up his game and the rest of us followed," said Beetle Boy, as his side stormed back to take a 16-11 lead before romping to victory. "Everybody was playing hard."

Meanwhile, Wendel and his mates were flailing.

"It's hard to point at any one thing," said the returning veteran. "Everybody is rusty, everybody's timing is a little off. It takes a while."

But with Lak and his mates having wrested control of the game, and Nibs struggling in his net to do anything about it, the outcome seemed etched.

"We just started getting comfortable with each other," said Beetle Boy.

Something that will come his way in time, said Wendel. "I've got to get my timing back, read people better, get my passing back."

And that's when his opponents will have to work to protect their breakfast.

Sunday's game was the first of three exhibition matches to prepare the roadsters for the upcoming season. That's more than have been scheduled in the previous two seasons.
The longer training camp will hopefully give more of the roadsters a chance to ease the game back into their weekly routine as well as overcome some of the bad weather that has plagued the seasons' early games in recent years.

But still, some roadsters couldn't help but be disappointed in the lack of commitment shown by some of the game's veteran leaders who opted to skip the first week of camp.
"I thought we'd see Wink out on a nice day like today," said feisty forward Elvis of the once stalwart veteran who has become a bit of a phantom at the courts in the past year. "When he wasn't, I was completely distracted."
Also absent were key players like Gump, Cowboy Bill, Paul One and Pig Farming Goalie, while young gunners Scrappy and Doo were reportedly en route, only Scrappy actually made it to the game, just as it was ending.

Unabomber snuffed for season

Sunday Morning goalies' lives just got easier. And longer.
Unabomber has announced he's taking his fearsome slapshot to Australia for a year. Cricket may never be the same again.
The powerful point man, who's been battling injuries the past two seasons, helped lead his team to a remarkable comeback from the brink of elimination to win last year's Stanley Stick championship by scoring a number of key goals with his patented rapier rips. One of them caved in the protective cage of goaltender Billy Idol's mask, closing his eye with a tremendous purple shiner and sending him to the sidelines. The subsequent goalie switch to offensive dynamo Lak Attack may have been the series' turning point.
Originally a walk-on who found the Sunday Morning game because he lived in the neighborhood, Unabomber quickly established himself as an intimidating force in the defensive zone and a frightening presence at the point. His mighty blasts may have caromed off the end fence as often as they found the net, but they often sent opposing goalies and defenders scattering for their lives. And if one of them happened to get in the way, the sting of his shot could last for weeks.
Even off the court, Unabomber could whither opponents or slacker teammates with his menacing scowl. His desire to win was unrelenting and when angered, he could turn a game on its ear with a glower.
Goalies will get their first taste of the Unabomber-free era on Sept. 28, when the league begins its three-game exhibition season. Whether any of them will celebrate by playing without their usual layers of protective padding remains to be seen.
The regular season begins Oct. 19.

Gump swamped in stormy scrimmage

Gump couldn't take advantage of a mid-game surge by his team's offense, succumbing 12-11 in Wednesday's special midsummer scrimmage.

The veteran shotstopper had trouble picking up where he left off in May, when he made a number of key saves to lead his team to a stunning comeback in the Stanley Stick championship series, as opposing sharpshooters had little trouble finding holes around and through his equipment to build a 10-4 lead.

Then, just as he did last Spring, the Colonel pounced on defensive laziness to spark his side's offense to a six-goal run that tied the game, 10-10. With darkness, and rain, falling, the game went to sudden death.

For the laconic netminder, it was a rough day's work. But the final score wasn't as important as the toll the game would take on his preparation for the upcoming season.

"You've just got to get your movements ready and make sure the boys don't get their heads too far into the clouds," said Gump, who predicted before the game he'd likely have the edge over opposing shooters who struggled with their fitness and shooting accuracy.

But that's the whole idea of the summer scrimmage, said Cowboy Bill. "We've just got to start getting our legs back under us and see how much we've lost over the off season."

Roadsters to get first test

The roadsters will get their first test of their summer fitness, and their first game test, at the annual Midsummer's Eve Exhibition Game, Wednesday, Aug. 20, at 6:30 PM.

The game will be the first since the dramatic Stanley Stick finale in May, an upset victory that still stuns players like the Colonel with its magnitude.

"I still think about that last Stanley Stick game," said the veteran forward, whose team battled back from a 19-11 deficit in the series' second game to force a decisive mini game, which they won. "it was quite the experience and all the more rewarding given Paul One's victory guarantee that wasn't to be."

The seasonal gathering will be followed by a social occasion at the River's Reach Pub.