September 29, 2005

Chunky Colonel Limps into Lineup

Last year’s late-season injury has left the Colonel with many a question mark.

After blowing out his knee in an unsanctioned league in June, the Colonel says he’s mentally ready to return to the game. “My mind is in tip-top shape. Every evening I envision myself dancing circles around the rest of the sluggish roadster crew. Beetle Boy can’t stick-check me and Lak is but a miniature vision in my rear view mirror as I deposit another ball behind the flailing, red Lobster.”

But sources close to the Colonel seem to have a different take. “The Colonel is obviously dreaming again,” says big Hoss. “His injuries are catching up to him. He’s not the roadster he thinks he once was.”

Further investigation into the Colonel’s off-season training routine turned up many an empty box of Krispy Kremes. In fact, we found that the now-even-slower forward didn’t once break into a light jog, let alone a full out run during the off season. He’s gained 15 pounds of pure custard and lost 5 pounds of lean muscle mass, tipping the scales at a whopping 200.

Other roadsters think he’s ripe for the picking, and they may be right. His rapier wit is still sharp, but his emotional and physical game is as dull as ditchwater. Rumor has it he couldn’t even beat Giebelhaus in a race to sit down.

Perhaps it’s time for him to hang up the gloves in favour of a full-time, inside reporter gig. If only he could find an opening somewhere, he might have the opportunity to re-live those glory days gone by.

Posted by Colonel at 12:16 AM | Comments (3)

September 27, 2005

Lean Legend ready for camp

The Living Legend is at his leanest and meanest as he prepares for his 15th season of Sunday Morning Road Hockey. A summer conditioning program consisting of more than 3000 kms of bike riding lopped almost 15 pounds from the veteran forward's already lean frame; at just a nudge over 160 pounds he's as light as he was halfway through his career.

"It definitely gets tougher to haul the body around the court as you get older," says the aging forward. "With less body to haul around, maybe I'll be able to turn back the clock a bit this season."

And while the Legend admits a new off-court development in his life has divided some of his focus as he prepares for the new season, he says he's eager to get back on the court and run around chasing the evil orange plastic ball. "The game just becomes a part of you."

But, he says, his 15th season will be tinged with a little sadness, as longtime road hockey beat reporter and the Legend's personal friend, Jay Suburb, will no longer be a consistent presence at the courts, as he goes into semi-retirement.

"Jay is as much a part of the game as the roadsters and the crappy weather," says the Legend. "We're gonna miss him for sure, we're gonna miss him sticking his tape recorder under our noses after every game, although I somehow managed to avoid that fate most of my career."

Posted by Living Legend at 07:16 AM | Comments (3)

September 14, 2005

Season set to open

Sunday Morning Road Hockey's 15th season will open October 16. The regular debut will be preceded by an exhibition game on Sunday, Oct. 2, and an optional exhibition scrimmage the following week.

Meanwhile, one of the league's last remaining founding father's, the Living Legend, is refuting rumors that his long and storied career is in peril because of newfound sideline distractions.

"I'm in shape, and I'm ready to play," says the veteran forward, who concedes his Sunday time is no longer totally his own. "But I may not be striving for any Ironman records anymore."

But even as one stalwart affirms his commitment to the game, another seems to be in the twilight of his career, as longtime road hockey beat reporter, Jay Suburb, has announced his semi-retirement, scaling back his role in the online road hockey bible,, to editing and occasional feature filings.

"I feel like I'm just running out of words," says Suburb. "It's been starting to feel like work, and I want to enjoy the game again."

However, Suburb assures readers and players the website, which has been bringing the story of Sunday Morning Road Hockey to the world for almost ten years, will continue to be a lively and entertaining place.

"It's time for the roadsters to pick up the ball, so to speak," says Suburb, enjoying his off-season for the first time in his life. "This has always been their website, and now they'll have to take that to heart. I hope they're up for it."

Posted by jaysuburb at 07:44 PM | Comments (11)