May 01, 2006

Battle lines drawn in Stick

The faces may change, but the game plans will likely remain the same for next week's Stanley Stick finale after neither team gave a quarter in Sunday's hard-fought 20-18 squeaker.

"We just have to do the same things," said Gump, who will strap on the pads for the decisive battle after Lobsterboy's heroic effort in Sunday's championship opener fell just a little short when Elvis cracked home a rebound from the top of the crease.

"I think it bodes well for next week," said Paul One, whose underdog team will also be bolstered by the addition of journeyman forward Billy Idol.

"We just need to put it in the back of the net, play good defense, play a good transition game and take it to them as much as we can," said the Colonel, visibly relieved after his side was able to salvage their narrow victory from a lead that had been as large as five goals.

"Everyone has just got to bury their chances when they get them, because there just aren't going to too many," said Bird.

Indeed, Sunday's opener stretched beyond three hours as goals were hard to come by at both ends of the court. Barely an inch of Lobsterboy's shell was left unbruised by the evil orange plastic ball or the flailing limbs of hard-charging forwards; at least two shots rang off his athletic supporter, two others off his goalie mask as well as a stick and, most devastatingly, Unabomber's knee as he was knocked into the helpless shotstopper by Kid, lunging desperately to break up a scoring attempt. At the other end, Pig Farming Goalie had to come up big time and again as his defencemen floundered against the speedy, pinpoint passing plays of Kid, Scooby and Nibs.

"We just had massive defensive breakdowns," said the agrarian goaltender. "They had good ball movement, they ran on the ball, and we didn't put enough pressure on them. They were just a total force."

Using their speed, youth, grit and Nibs' newfound ability to mix up his shot repetoire from his usual roundhouse slapshots, the underdogs jumped to an early lead, 2-1. But their senior line, Paul One, Gump and the Living Legend, had trouble contributing to the tally sheet and their slim advantage became a 5-2 deficit at the end of the first period. By the middle part of the game, the margin grew to five.

"I think we all thought from the very beginning that it was going to be a tough tough game," said Bird. "We would get a lead, but they would always claw back."

And it was that senior line that sparked the biggest comeback, eventually tying the game at 15.

"When we started picking ourselves up and playing with some passion, we were able to work our way back into the game," said Paul One.

"We were getting them into the corners, we were dumping it in deep, we were getting rebounds and pouncing on them," said Gump. "I think we were just outworking them."

"It's like we kinda took a bit of a breather," said the Colonel of his side's swoon. "We were playing hard, but the other team just came back and scored a bunch of goals."

"I thought by the middle part of the game we had it going away," said Pig Farming Goalie. "But their team just started running our team into the ground. They started getting more bounces going their way, but they also wanted it more."

But when the going gets tough, the tough get desperate. The floundering leaders went back to basics, feeding passes to Unabomber or Lak Attack at the point, who then unleashed a barrage of big shots to soften Lobsterboy's shotstopping shell. Or at least create rebounds for opportunistic forwards.

"In the end, we had the bigger shots," said Pig Farming Goalie.

And when one of those big shots popped back out onto Elvis' stick as he rambled across the top of the slot, he didn't miss, giving his team a scrappy win. But not much of an advantage, heading into next week's finale.

"Teams don't fold in the Stanley Stick," said the Colonel.

"It's the Stick, you can't quit," said Gump. "I thought we showed a lot of heart today."





With Lobsterboy out of town next week, Gump will move from the senior line to step between the pipes to try to backstop his team into a mini-game showdown. And while the senior shotstopper may be strapping on the pads cold, he's confident his one-game foray into the forward line will serve him well.
"It was really good to be out actually because I got a good idea of what kind of shots I'll be facing," said Gump.
The change will also create a new challenge for their opponents.
"Lobsterboy is a little more floppy but Gump is a bit more of a positional standup goalie so he'll be strong up high," said Pig Farming Goalie.

Lobsterboy's departure also opens up a roster spot for Billy Idol, who was unavailable for the championship opener. He's expected to take Gump's place on the underdogs' senior line.
"He'll shake things up a little bit," said Paul One of his future forward. "Billy always brings a whole bunch of energy and some passion to the game."

Hoss was a late addition to the underdogs' lineup, but he didn't last long as his knee gave out and he spent most of the game's second half on the sidelines, a bag of ice cooling the junked joint. His status for the finale is still unknown.

A pair of potential gamebreaking roadsters never even got the chance to play. Shakey Walton was a late scratch on the eve of his first Stanley Stick appearance when he was felled by a faulty fence, breaking his wrist. And veteran defensive stalwart, Wink, was called away at the last minute to service the onerous demands of his exploitative employer.

Two controversial calls in Sunday's game canceled each other out and didn't mar the outcome of an otherwise perfect day. In the first, Elvis was denied a goal when Lobsterboy may or may not have scooped a rebound from midair above the goalline, and he was unable to score on a penalty shot awarded during the same play after his initial scoring attempt was upset by the goaltender's tossed stick. At the other end of the court, another apparent goal was negated when Pig Farming Goalie protested the loose ball that dropped between his legs and over the goalline had actually been frozen in his equipment.

Posted by jaysuburb at May 1, 2006 08:25 PM
Comments

Prior commitments, injuries, general league conspiracy ... lol

Posted by: The Colonel at May 7, 2006 07:52 PM

how come the colonel has only played in two stanley sticks?

Posted by: Paul 2 at May 7, 2006 06:53 PM

somebody left a grey plastic waterbottle at the game last week. i'll bring it this week.
I think it might be yours P1; had tests done, it's full of steroids and 'other banned substances'...

Posted by: pfg at May 6, 2006 03:47 PM

Lak, Do you respect me?

Posted by: PaulOne at May 6, 2006 11:08 AM

Wow! People what the F....., this is insanity and I like it! This is the real lakattack, so no more confusion for u all. I have to say some of things being said are funny but on a more serious note I am going to enjoy kicking Ones's for another year! Looking forward to a good game on Sunday!

Posted by: lak at May 5, 2006 09:58 PM

What is this, the Stanley Stick or Brokeback Ball Hockey? It seems Paul One, Elvis and Colonel just can't quit each other.

The Stanley Stick makes for strange bedfellows ... and none stranger than the Elvis and Colonel tag-team. There's something I NEVER thought I'd see happen.

Posted by: wendel at May 5, 2006 09:06 PM

Don't worry Paul. I'll still respect you in the morning, but I'm definitely going to have my way with you all day Sunday.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 5, 2006 05:33 PM

Ummmm, that last post was an imposter.
Lame guys.

Perhaps Mario should implement a password system since some people here obviously have no honour (or life apparently).

The REAL Unabomber

Posted by: Bomber at May 5, 2006 05:27 PM

I agree with Lak (or is it Elvis).

We need to quit F--cking around and focus on finishing it early!

Posted by: Unabomber at May 5, 2006 04:19 PM

Elvis,
I stopped posting because I didn't want to risk hurting anyone else's feelings. I know the guys on your team are all sooooo sensitive. Do you still respect me??

Actually I thought the "Lak" postings sounded exactly like him, but now that I think about it,,, I could see you putting up fake postings and blaming us. Great job Elvis. You post as Lak to try and motivate your team. If I was Lak I'd be really pissed at you!!!

Posted by: PaulOne at May 5, 2006 04:10 PM

If it wasn't for you darn kids and that dog of yours! Ha, ha, ha (canned laughter...)

Posted by: Gump at May 5, 2006 03:21 PM

Elvis is just like Scooby-Doo, the way he figures out mysteries...

Posted by: Wink at May 5, 2006 03:14 PM

yup -you too Lak Attack ...or um I mean Gump.

Posted by: elvis at May 5, 2006 02:16 PM

Good to hear Lak's words of wisdom went unoticed. See ya on Sunday.

Posted by: Gump at May 5, 2006 01:52 PM

The first Lak post sounded a bit like him. The second Lak post didn't sound like him at all.

"I'm pissed off"
"the big five goal lead"
"they finished stronger than us"

Definite imposter.

Good news for Kid - showers are in the forecast for Saturday and Sunday.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 5, 2006 10:27 AM

And how did they finish stronger -when we won?!?

I CALL SHENANIGANS!!

Posted by: elvis at May 5, 2006 09:50 AM

I agree with Beetle... that seems a little suspicious...especially since we havent seen a post from One in a while either...

Posted by: elvis at May 5, 2006 09:49 AM

Bettle, trust me, is there anyone else that would use Gilligan as their email address? Sorry about that one Lak, I know you're not a huge fan of that nickname! By the way, all the guys at the shop say hi...

Posted by: Gump at May 5, 2006 08:55 AM

Hmmmmmm....is that really Lak posting?

Posted by: Beetle Boy at May 4, 2006 05:58 PM

I'm just getting a little pissed off that you and the Colonel don't seem to be worried about finishing them off.

Remember that after we ran up the big 5 goal lead they outscored us and finished stronger than us.

Posted by: Lak Attack at May 4, 2006 04:51 PM

No worries Lak. You can expect me to be at the top of my game come Sunday.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 4, 2006 04:45 PM

True -but Im having so much fun... I havent hit the message board this hard in ages.

Besides, you know my head will be in the game come Sunday. Dont worry... I got a lot more at stake than just one stanley stick!

Posted by: Elvis at May 4, 2006 03:38 PM

Colonel, Elvis, we need to start focusing on the upcoming game. It's going to be a battle and you shouldn't get all wrapped up thinking about PaulOne. We've got other worries.

Posted by: Lak Attack at May 4, 2006 12:41 PM

I'd comment but I'm too busy reflecting on the future of my relationship with Paul One. I think perhaps, it looks quite bleak.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 4, 2006 11:11 AM

There's a lot of commotion coming from your team. Maybe you should spend less time talking and more time preparing for Sunday. Just ask the Calgary Flames, being one game away from moving on doesn't always mean much.

Posted by: Gump at May 4, 2006 10:40 AM

Wow Colonel, I guess the reverse Psychology thing worked! Who would have thought a tactic used to control 3 year children would work such wonders on P 1 ... ahhh the weak of mind.

Try reading past the 2nd chapter in your borrowed Psych 101 text Paul, and come back to us with yet another piss-weak attempt to get Colonel off his game. Its actually getting kind of fun checking the board from time to time to see what lame, sorry, desperate posts youre leaving... its hilarious in fact!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -What a Joke.

Paul you best get focused on the game next Sunday-or more importantly, at least focus on how you'll deal with yet another loss. 2 game in a row... 2 years in a row.

Posted by: Elvis at May 4, 2006 10:07 AM

You respected me??

Now I really feel badly for all those mean things I been saying behind your back.

What do you think Elvis, should I post some retractions to make the Colonel feel better?

Posted by: PaulOne at May 4, 2006 09:05 AM

Paul One, NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Posted by: pfg at May 4, 2006 07:57 AM

Paul,

You and I both know I'm 0 for 2 in the sticks in which I've played. I’m not trying to hide that fact, and I hope that's about to change.

I wouldn't call the previous losses bad luck. The games were competitive and a lot of fun. The better teams won both those previous times as will be the case again this Sunday.

I think you might want to raise your maturity level slightly when making comments. Poking fun good-heartedly is one thing. Intentionally being an out-and-out jerk is something completely different. For a change, try leading your team in a positive, affirming manner as opposed to carelessly flinging personal attacks at individuals on the message board. They're not adding anything positive to the game.

And no, you're not under my skin. I'm simply losing respect for an individual I previously respected.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 4, 2006 01:14 AM

Hey Colonel,

You forgot to answer,,, How many times have you won the stick?

I guess it's just bad luck?

Posted by: PaulOne at May 4, 2006 12:49 AM

Hey sorry about the jewels there Lobster...I'm sure I must have done it on purpose though, that is what I try to do-just ask Cry-Baby.

Posted by: Unabomber at May 3, 2006 10:58 PM

Gump, you're not gay, but you like to watch.
Holy crap, this is the first chance i've had to read the story and check out the posts. crazy.
Well, Paul One is at it again, trying out his dime store pop psychology on us. Somebody must be sneaking some Viagra into his cheerios. Maybe that why he's feeling old and stiff...See ya Sunday Paul One, don't forget to rinse your spandex...

Posted by: pfg at May 3, 2006 10:10 PM

Colonel, you're gay!

Elvis, you're only kinda gay!

Posted by: Gump at May 3, 2006 09:33 PM

Hmmm...I wonder why too One?

Is that so you can put the ball right on Colonel's stick from behind your own net again... about 3 times in a row?

Or maybe so when youre defending, he can undress you, skip down the court and score at will (again)?

Maybe you can clarify just what is this 'adantage' for YOUR team you speak of? Cause I certainly cant see what it could be?

Oh and heres a tip: maybe you should divert the rest of the time you plan to dedicate to this useless attempt at breaking up our team chemistry -and do something more constructive with it. Geez I dont know, maybe you could spend that time jogging ...or I hell, shooting balls against the garage door. Maybe that way you can keep up with our team on the court, when we're out-running, out-checking, out-scoring and by all accounts out-playing YOU.

Posted by: Elvis at May 3, 2006 07:03 PM

Sounds like a farce to me, but if your "Lakies" self-identify, and they truly would prefer I don't play, I'm not one to stand in the way of the team's desire.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 3, 2006 04:51 PM

I know at least 2 Lakies who'd be happy if you bowed out.

On the other hand, our team wants you to show.

I wonder why??

Posted by: PaulOne at May 3, 2006 03:52 PM

Come on One that's just plain mean and hurtful. Your words have me wondering if I should even show up next Sunday seeing as everybody hates me. Maybe team Lak is better off without me.

Whatever to do?

Posted by: The Colonel at May 3, 2006 02:38 PM

Commissioner:

When we win next Sunday and kill them in the mini-game, do I get my name on the cup with gump, or are there some arcane rules I should know about?
Una thanks for the prostrate reality check, and since Gump has bigger better equipment(insert lame Gay Elvis joke here)i am sure that you will be help pointless by the Gump-orama.

Posted by: lobsterboy at May 3, 2006 10:14 AM

Well One thats getting a bit better, but please... I think you know deep down how it will end -regardless of your pitiful... lets face it, desperate -and somewhat ebarrassing attempts to chip at the mountain-esque foundation we laid last week. Good on ya though for continuing to search for a chink in the inpenatrable armour of the winning team. I would expect nothing less than such a strategy off the court -when the strategy ON the court could get it done.

Keep up the hard work -and good luck this sunday. You and your cry-baby, whiney, team are going to need it.

Posted by: Elvis at May 3, 2006 01:06 AM

Weak

Posted by: Unabomber at May 3, 2006 01:02 AM

Hey Elvis, I'm glad to hear that your such a fan of Colonel. What a turnaround from the pre-carddraw comments (i.e. "Fuckkkkk, Pleaseee, anyone but the Colonel").

Maybe at the same PFG could retract his postgame comments, (i.e. "he's the first to blame, bitch and complain and the last backcheck").

I say go ahead,,,,all of you guys get together and win one for the Colonel. It will feel good to hoist him your shoulders and kiss his feet.

I hate to rain on your lovefest,but, I'll make a prediction that come Sunday afternoon he'll be getting my vote for MVP, our team's MVP.

By the way Colonel, I've had drinks from 6 Stanley Sticks, how many you got on your resume?

Posted by: PaulOne at May 3, 2006 12:30 AM

About time this board saw some decent banter. Sorry I'm not there with you guys, same things that kept me away for much of the season are keeping me away from the Stick.

Having said that, if anyone's gotta be a last-minute line-up scratch let me know and I'll try to show.

Posted by: wendel at May 2, 2006 10:11 PM

LOL! That was funny... So funny Im still laughing. Especially cause it wouldnt be more than a tiny sip too...

ps. Kid quit your crying -you little baby.

Posted by: elvis at May 2, 2006 05:52 PM

Hey One,

Glad to hear you have plans to wear a cup next Sunday because that will be the ONLY cup you'll have the chance to drink from.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 2, 2006 05:40 PM

Another golden moment:

Unibomber kneeing Lobster in the head after I pushed him with one hand, which is apparently enough to send him flying. What is really strange though is that when I push him away from the goalie, he falls towards him.

Say what you want about Nibs, but he doesn't intentially try to hurt people.

Posted by: Kid at May 2, 2006 04:30 PM

Yeah -Fools Gold.

Posted by: elvis at May 2, 2006 01:56 PM

Elvis is right...that was a weak effort at causing team dissension. C'mon One, bring your A game...like Nibs did with his "the ball was over the line but didn't touch the ground" excuse in Elvis' disputed goal. That was gold!

Posted by: Beetle Boy at May 2, 2006 12:56 PM


Just wanted to say it's absolutely hurting me that I can't be involved in this years stick but I'm healing quick and would be most interested in playing through the summer. Good luck to all nest week. Shakey

Posted by: Shakey at May 2, 2006 12:20 PM

ha ha. Paul 1. Thats probably the weakest attempt Ive ever read to try and get the Colonel off his game... understandable since he was on fire last sunday... probably the best and most focused game hes played all season. C'mon, give us all a little credit. Youre gonna have to be smarter that than that. Thats like trying to pick a fight in the last 5 minutes of a game when youre losing 6 to 1. Whats the point?

Cya next week One...

Posted by: elvis at May 2, 2006 11:02 AM

Colonel, I'm also old and stiff, but the difference between us is that I don't whine about it.

Speaking of old, according to post game conversations with your teammates, your "act" is getting old.

The 2 most asked questions by Team Lak were: Is the Colonel going to bring his bad attitude for game 2? Should he be retiring soon?

P.s., I'm going to be wearing a cup on Sun so you can forget about using your "lift and separate" technique.

Posted by: PaulOne at May 2, 2006 09:32 AM

Hmmm, I must be getting old. Anyone else feel old?

Paul One, how about you? Are you stiff and old like me or young and loose like Scooby?

Posted by: The Colonel at May 1, 2006 10:03 PM

You're the only one.

Posted by: Scooby at May 1, 2006 09:13 PM

Anyone else stiff today or am I the only one?

Posted by: The Colonel at May 1, 2006 08:41 PM