April 25, 2006

Pre-Stick slaughter

They were outrun and outgunned, outmuscled and outhustled, outwiled and outguiled. And now some of road hockey's most stalwart veterans will be spending the days leading up to next week's Stanley Stick opener rebuilding their confidence and their game faces after they were thoroughly humbled by a team of young speedsters, 20-6, in Sunday's regular season finale.

"It may rank as one of the worst games ever," said Paul One when the slaughter was mercifully over. "Effort-wise, it was just disastrous."

"It was an abysmal game, probably the worst I've ever seen and been a part of," said Elvis, his head bowed in shame.

For the team of veterans, which also included the Colonel, the Living Legend and ailing superstar, Lak Attack, the wheels fell off early and their game never got on track. Despite their manpower advantage, they were easily outrun by their younger opponents, led by Shakey Walton, the Kid and Scooby, who played the strongest game of his rookie season, powering to the net with newfound grit and determination, weaving his way around flat-footed defenders and a helpless Lobsterboy in the veterans' net.

And as the score piled up, so did the acrimony amongst the veterans. Their passing game collapsed into an embarrassing series of blind give-aways that generated two on one and three on one breakaways for their opportunistic opponents. With Lobsterboy left virtually defenseless, he was unable to stem the barrage.

"A lot of their shots up the middle we picked off quite a bit," said Pig Farming Goalie, who barely broke a sweat in the first warm weather game of the season as he backstopped his young mates to their victory. "This game had a lot of turnovers going both ways, but we just capitalized a little bit better."

"It was really hard for us to connect out there," said Elvis. "The other team really did a good job getting between our passes and beating us to the ball today."

"We were always a step behind them on just about every play," said Paul One. "Everything that went wrong for us went right for them. They were getting every single bounce, stuff in front of our net always seemed to end up on their sticks. They always seemed to have an opening just to chop the shot in."

But the speedsters had more than just bounces going their way. They were hungry, cohesive and unwavering, even in the throes of a mid-game lull that closed the goal gap to three before they were able to net ten straight to finish it.

"We knew we were a little younger, so hopefully we could withstand their barrages once in a while and outlast them," said Shakey Walton. "I think we just had to attack. We had offensive players and we had to use the attacks and forechecks to try to tire them out."

With two of the veterans, Elvis and the Colonel, playing their first games in a month, and another, Lak Attack, still battling his way into shape from a nagging back injury that caused him to miss almost three months, they tired easily.

"We seemed to lose a lot of steam," wheezed Elvis. "It makes me realize I'm going to have to whip myself into better shape for next week and make sure I'm ready for the game."

Indeed, the veterans will have to do a lot of soul searching in the days leading up to the opening of the Stanley Stick championship series on Sunday, if they're to be a force for their teams.

"I think it's gonna play on people's minds, especially when they see the card pull," said Paul One. "If it's anywhere near the same matchups, there could be a lot of problems."

The speedsters, on the other hand, are brimming with confidence, said Shakey, who will be making his Stanley Stick debut on Sunday.

"You feel good and you look to just try and repeat today's performance."

Posted by jaysuburb at April 25, 2006 07:58 AM

Yes, it certainly was. I miss Philderama.

Posted by: The Colonel at May 1, 2006 09:43 PM

The Classic:


Posted by: fan at May 1, 2006 05:10 AM

so some unfortunate news, and hopefully Shakey can fill us in later tonight with a better update, but it doesn't look likely he'll be able to play tomorrow. a twenty foot long twelve foot high chain link and barbed wire gate overbalanced and clipped him pretty badly at the end of work today. He was left pretty banged up, with a possible sprain/broken wrist. Here's hoping it's not that serious, but regardless, i'm fairly certain tomorrow the bruises and cuts are going to hurt even worse--unlikely he'll feel up to getting some more...
Wendel, got a few legal questions for you tomorrow. Mike has a case to sue this stupid landlord of the warehouse, who, despite repeated requests over the last three years to fix the unsafe gate, has not. This is the third incident of the gate falling over, and the second of someone getting injured.
someone should remember a cooler tomorrow for the balls as well.

Posted by: pfg at April 29, 2006 07:09 PM

sorry. can't have a baby like you in my manly truck. maybe if you'd kept your composure...

Posted by: pfg at April 28, 2006 08:21 PM

I for one want to see Shakey there... I figure hes this years Rudy. Stanley Stick time should bring out teh Beast in him. I just hope hes on my team -or hes going to see a new side of me...which brings me to my next point:

As far losing my composure after last weeks romp -Im not too worried about that. The stick is a different game all together. Its been a pretty lax and non-competetive season all year long ...but that will all change on Sunday. There's just too much on the line.

ps. Pete I need a ride on Sunday if possible.

Posted by: elvis at April 28, 2006 06:18 PM

Thanks Legend

Posted by: Billy Idol at April 28, 2006 11:50 AM

Hoss should be fine. John Boy, Wheels and Buzz haven't played the requisite number of games. Billy Idol will be able to take Lobsterboy's place in the lineup in Week 2.

Posted by: Living Legend at April 28, 2006 09:10 AM


You've earned your spot. You should play. Others haven't. I'm just trying to get some feedback to understand who is eligible. For instance, Hoss has played 5 times this year. Does that make him eligible? Jon Boy, Wheels, and Buzz definitely have not. Are they eligible?

What's the deal Commish?

Posted by: The Colonel at April 27, 2006 11:42 PM

paul one should be elligible.

Posted by: fan at April 27, 2006 11:33 PM

WHOA! big words from the rookie. don't worry about a backlash though. not enough traffic on the comments board from the veterans this year.

Posted by: pfg at April 27, 2006 10:19 PM

Listen I'm a newcomer, but I'm ready to play the stick. If colonel is scared to play some of the newcomers it's understandable but I think we all just have to look at the mirror to know whose truly stick-worthy. That's all I have to say.

Posted by: Shakey at April 27, 2006 10:14 PM

lobster, how's the eye?

Posted by: pfg at April 27, 2006 10:09 PM

I wont be able to make the first game but I can make the second. Can I

Posted by: billy idol at April 27, 2006 03:43 PM

i agree with colonel. sort of. I think that the eligibility for the stanley stick shouldn't be based on playing in 3 (or 5, or whatever it has been changed to) games throughout the year--I think it should be 3 (or 5, again whatever) games played in the two months leading up to the Stanley Stick. this rewards players who choose to step up when it matters--not those who have simply slacked off throughout the year.
discuss. i'm sure many will have lots to say about this. if they chose to step up...

Posted by: pfg at April 26, 2006 11:40 PM

I won't be available for may 7, but it won't matter because i have been playing so poorly...

Posted by: lobsterboy at April 26, 2006 10:32 AM

Wow, now that was about as accurate a write-up as I've ever seen. What an atrocity Sunday was - completely disheartening. However, I for one wouldn't flinch a muscle if the stick draw ended up exactly the same this week as it was last. Don't count out the veterans. They have a distinct fortitude and ability to rebound in the face of adversity.

Speaking of the stick pull, can the Commissioner reiterate the criteria for being eligible to play in the Stanley Stick? Was it 3 or 5 games played during the season? Do either of these values actually create enough accountability in players to turn out during the regular season? Should we really be rewarding players who've played 3 or even 5 games with a spot in the Stanley Stick?

Posted by: The Colonel at April 25, 2006 09:22 AM