April 03, 2006

No Lack for Lak

It was a triumphant return for one of Sunday Morning Road Hockey most dominant players this past week. Lak Attack is back, and the back is good. Helping lead his team to a time-shortened 14-12 victory, Lak was pleased, if not by his performance, then at least by the chance to play pain free.

Lak demonstrated hints of his skills that has been so devastating to opposing goalies over the last few years, wheeling and dealing with sudden bursts of speed, and unleashing booming shots from the point. He was quick to point out, though, that he's not in top shape, not yet.

"It'll take a couple of weeks to find the groove again," he said.

And while his teammates were happy to have the speedy roadster playing for them, and not against them, there were a couple of goals he scored that his team would have liked back.

"I can't remember how many goals he scored for us," PFG commented after the game, "but I do know he scored two against us."
He added wryly "That puts a dent in his plus minus."

The goals in question came early and late. The first was reminiscent of Steve Smith's infamous playoff bungler; Lak, in his own zone, attempted a risky cross court pass through PFG's crease. Unfortunately, he also tried to put it through PFG's pad. It bounced off the stunned goalie's leg and into the back of the net.

"Ok. I'm a bit rusty." Lak confessed.

The late goal was perhaps less avoidable, although equally as damaging. A shot from the point deflected off Lak's foot, completely changing direction from down low to up high, and into the top right corner of the net. That put the score at 10-8, with momentum swinging for the opposition.

"Those are tough," PFG pontificated. "I almost got my glove on it, but was moving the other way. Deflections. They happen."

It almost took the steam out of an otherwise excellent game for PFG's squad. A mid game scoring drought for both teams was finally cracked by Shakey Walton, and he and his teammates, Lak, Wink, and Nibs, pushed the game to a 10-6 dominating split.

However, flagging energy and confusion over time limits helped get the opposition back in the game late, lead by Unibomber.

"We could tell they were tired. But hell, so were we. We just kept pushing."
Finding a late surge of inspiration, Unibomber took over the scoring for his squad, tallying the last five of their 12.

"He was a force," PFG stated. "When he lets rip from 15 feet way, you can't even see the shot. Just hear it, hitting the mesh behind you. Pisses me off."

While goals came more frequently in the final half an hour, they were a rare commodity earlier. After battling their way to a 6-6 draw, PFG and Gump, with the added hot weather, took over.

"We must have been stuck there for an hour," Gump said. "The majority of the shots weren't quality chances, but there were enough."

It was clear the weather was taking its toll. And when the chances did come, the goalies were in the way.

"It was hot for us too, but probably not as bad as for the players. Gump and I just shut the door in the middle frame." PFG said.

Things may have been different had two of the game's newcomers not been playing on opposing teams. Shakey Walton and his speedy brother Johnboy found themselves facing off against each other for the first time this year. And the two took little time to demonstrate that brotherly love is well and truly absent between teams.

A collision on the sideboards had Shakey end up on his rear end, only to leap immediately to his feet in a challenge. It came to nothing, as both grinned and walked away, but Shakey wasn't smiling with his eyes.

"Yeah, John Boy's younger and a little less controlled, as you could see," Shakey added of his sibling. "When he plays against his older brother he gets a little intimidated, and tries to compensate. I usually let it go, but that elbow to the head was a bit much."

John Boy had a slightly different take.

"'Less controlled'? The only thing Shakey could hit today was the ground with his ass. He couldn't have missed the net more with his shot if he tried."

"Looks like he lived up to his name today."

John Boy didn't seem to miss his brother much for playmaking, either. He and Living Legend were able to control much of the play in the early going, tallying a nice give and go for the first goal.

As the game went on, though, the heat wilted the players, and the ball.

"We gotta start bringing a cooler," Cowboy Bill put forth later. "In the sun, that heat, it just turns the ball into a soft, squishy orange. Made me thirsty."

For Lak, though, it was sweet enough to just be playing.

"I've missed the game. When I popped in two weeks ago, it was all I could do to not leap in there and start playing. But now, the back feels good, and the legs are coming."

Goalies beware. Lak is back.

There was a good deal of confusion over the final end of the game. The long goalless stretch, with so few subs, lead to an initial consensus to end the game at 12:30, forgoing the usually 20 goal parameter. But the time came, and went, on two different occasions.
"It was a bit absurd," PFG snorted afterwards. "It seemed that the other team just wanted to finish when they had won."
Indeed, PFG's squad had thought the game over three times before it was finally called at 14-12.
"It was 11-8, then 12-9, then 12-11, then 13-11, then 13-12. What did each of those goals come at? Well, 12:29, apparently." Wink scoffed.
Living Legend's side seemed to be the only one who had a say on what time it really was. But even they couldn't agree. After Legend announced four minutes remaining, Cowboy Bill corrected him to three minutes.
Unabomber was unsympathetic.
"Hey, we said 15 minutes left. Sure, we said it twice, but each time it was a clear 15 minutes. It's not our fault they couldn't keep up."
"Whatever, " Shakey said. "We won."

The turnout was disappointing this week, although perhaps not surprisingly so. With the clocks moving ahead one hour early Sunday Morning, there were probably a couple of roadster who struggled to consciousness at 11 o'clock. An unfortunate happenstance, as skies and courts were clear.
One surprising absentee roadster was Colonel. Shakey in particular was looking forward to facing the defiant defenseman.
"Yeah, he was talking trash all week, so I was pretty hyped to put my money where my mouth is. I guess Colonel's money is on his dresser in a piggy bank. A yellow piggy bank."
Other surprise scratches were Bird and Kid. Of course, illegal copies of Brokeback Mountain were just released on file sharing applications this week. Probably explains their absence.

Posted by Cub Scout at April 3, 2006 02:05 PM

Waltons, oh Waltons, where were you guys? Up on brokeback mountain, oops walton mountain, I guess lots of talking no action, see you next week

Posted by: lobsterboy at April 10, 2006 11:09 AM

no need to throw Colonel on the Barbie, he's already all fired up, and sounds like he's been doing a little self-medicating too, er I mean self-marinading ...

Posted by: wendel at April 7, 2006 08:19 PM

You'll shut my mouth? Do you mean physically? I think you missed taking your meds this week because your hallucinations have definitely returned.

Instead of talking trash go back to collecting it you vagrant.

Posted by: The Colonel at April 7, 2006 12:38 AM

If we throw a Lobster on the barbie, should we season him with road salt in honour of the game? Or is it enough that he marinades himself liberally in beer the night before as usual?

Posted by: wendel at April 6, 2006 07:41 PM

I'll be away this weekend. Too bad, I was starting to enjoy doing Bruce Allen impersonations.

Posted by: Gump at April 6, 2006 03:45 PM

Lobsterboy- the waltons are going grill you on the barbecue and enjoy it lke a nice dinner on the ranch.
Colonel- please don't compare your mouth to mine or I might just have to shut it for you.

Posted by: Shakey at April 6, 2006 02:27 PM

Ill be there too now that my protest has ended.

Posted by: Elvis at April 6, 2006 02:13 PM

Drinking your Noni juice I see Unabomber.

Nice challenge Shakey. It's good to have another mouth in the game. "Sticks and stones ..."

Posted by: The Colonel at April 5, 2006 10:40 PM

Sounds like it was a fun game. I'm back in town and looking forward to this weekend. Especially to rattling Lobster's cage. And maybe even to advising Gump about how to respond to the media's tendency to manufacture suitable quotes in his name. I accept fees in cold beer Gump.

Posted by: wendel at April 5, 2006 08:58 PM

Lobster-san is back and ready to kick the Walton clan off the court-goodnight shakey, goodnight John Boy... Love the brokebacklak references...

Posted by: lobsterboy at April 5, 2006 02:31 PM

ya, who the hell is this "Cub Scout"? I don't remember talking to him at all...

Posted by: pfg at April 5, 2006 01:19 AM

Forget Lak...I want to be like Gump now...

Posted by: Wink at April 4, 2006 07:52 PM


Was someone wearing a wire at the game cause I don't remember speaking with the media. Might need to call my lawyer: Wendel, any comments?

Also, I'm glad Lak's back, but I believe he scored one goal on me and two on PFG. As usual, Vancouver Press fabricating stories of "Media Darlings" for the wetdreams of the Sunday Morning Roadhockey Fanclub.

I'll probably get a twoonie fine from commisioner Gary "Living Legend" Bettman for this one, but Wink deserves some credit for his play. You never see a story called, "Wink, the Missing Link" or something else clever like that.

Posted by: Gump at April 4, 2006 02:00 PM

Brokeback Lak...

Posted by: pfg at April 4, 2006 01:19 PM

You want to be IN Lak.

Posted by: Elvis at April 4, 2006 12:33 PM

I want to be like Lak.

Posted by: Wink at April 3, 2006 11:06 PM